Face it, your life just winds up in a dumpster.

Well........It has been an interesting week.
I have been griping and complaining and muttering and fussing so much about how this house has become a dark, depressing, sad place for me.
So last week, after chatting with a good friend (who is in much the same boat I am in) I got inspired and decided to start cleaning things out and making a place for myself that is comfortable.
I started working on that dark cave of a living room that we have had boarded up for about the past 6 years.
I got in there, took EVERYTHING off the walls, got CrazyFriend to come out and help me clean (CrazyFriend LOVES to clean).
Hubby bought me a nice new 32' television and today he ordered a second satellite box so I can watch television when I want to.
I won't say that I am in love with it.
I have always HATED that room.
But it is better. And I guess better is good.
At least it is a step in the right direction.
I am still working on the condo or townhouse in Myrtle Beach.
But that won't happen until the economy improves and the donkey dies.

AND.

Yesterday I got a bee in my bonnet to start cleaning out the attic.
Talk about a quagmire.
We got up there are about 1:00 and pulled down TONS of stuff.
Stuff that I still can't figure out why we put up there in the first place.
TONS and TONS and TONS of my parents' stuff/
Papers. Mortgage books. Cancelled checks. Letters of recommendation .
Notepads. Photos of people I had NO idea who they were.
Magazines. Newspaper articles from the 60's and 70's.
Car payment books. Pink slips.
Boxes and boxes and endless boxes.
All things they obviously thought were very important.
Important.
So important that yesterday, my husband and I hauled about 90% what we took down to the dumpster.
And we barely got through 1/5 of what was up there.

And that is it.
Saving things from the 60's and 70's and 80's in file folders because they are so very important.

Y'know what?
Your life..everything that you thought was so very important....(unless you are an exceptional person with an amazing legacy) is all going to wind up being hauled away to the nearest dumpster.
None of it really matters after all.

So black is the new.....well, black.

Okay.....here I am back with a tentative post.

I must admit, I have not missed having this blog and I am entering this somewhat reluctantly.



But here is what has changed. I felt burned out, wiped out and overwhelmed. I am still feeling much of the same and you can add on depressed, claustrophobic and bored to that list. But I am trying to do things a little differently now. I don't know if it will help or not.



I found myself overwhemled with the staggering number of clothes I own. When I was getting dressed the other day, I was trying to decide between the blue shirt, the striped shirt, the green shirt, the purple shirt. And then the jeans. Or the shorts. Or the capris. And I said this is ridiculous. I said enough was enough. I went for black dress pants and a black tank top. Y'know what? I liked it. SO......I immediately boxed up ALL of my polos and t-shirts and tanks. I kept out 3 black t0shirts that I really like. I went to the Goodwill store where I do all my shopping and bought 2 nice black polo shirts and on plain black t-shirt. And at WalMart, I bought a really nice black Danskin tank for $3. Now, all of the polos and t shirts that were driving me crazy are boxed up and will probably wind up taking a trip to the Goodwill store in the near future. I am MUCH happier with the new black.



I also tried to talk to hubby about why I am so unhappy. I tried to explain that I am tired of living in a dark air conditioned claustrophobic cave with no air circulation and no natural light and no comfortable place to sit or to watch TV. And I am tired of sleeping in a room that sounds like it is at then end of a runway of a small airport (3 fans running and the heat pump cranking right outside my window...) He tried to be understanding although I don't beilieve he "got it" entirely. But at least I said my piece.



And.....this is the worst for me. I am trying to cut down on my spending. That means no lunches out 7 days a week, no long trips into town for no reason other than I am bored.No long road trips and no weeknights at the Holiday Inn just to get out of town. I have treid to cut down on my impulse buying. So far, so good but it is soooooooo hard. Staying here all day with nothing but busy work to do (see paragraph above) and not getting out just for the sake of getting out. But I am trying. Hard.



So that is what I have changed.

I guess only time will tell how it works out.

Good luck to me.

This Blog is Going on Hiatus

Okay..here's the deal:

I had a really bad weekend.

Things did NOT go as planned and I had (and I will use this term reluctantly because I HATE it) a bit of am emotional "meltdown".

I was exhausted and disappointed in myself.

I have kinda had it for a while and I just need a break.

I realized that it's not always easy to do the things you want, no matter how much you think want to do them.

And I was overwhelmed by WalMart.

I realized that we are completely surrounded by STUFF.

Useless, unnecessary, pointless stuff that we really have no need for in our lives.

We are overrun by stuff and things.

SO

I am taking a break.

From blogging.

From the computer

From ranting about CrazyFriend.

I just need to clear my head.

I'll be back, eventually but I just need things to settle down in my head.

I will be taking a much needed sabbatical.

I have had it with stuff.

I need a rest.

My brain needs to cool off.

Living In Bizzaro World

Well, I had lunch with CrazyFriend today.
I wanted it to be pleasant and I was trying to help her out.
She wanted to take her car (a classic 1972 Chevy Nova) to our mechanic.
And I wanted to take her to lunch for her birthday.

Once again, I thought we could have a simple, pleasant day.
But it NEVER seems to work out that way.
And apparently, my husband has figured out why.
She is living in Bizarro World.

The things that make perfect sense to her (in Bizarro World) infuriate me.
It makes me go ballistic.
I TRY not to, I really do.
But hubby is right.
It is Bizarro World.
Black is white.
White is black.
Nothing makes sense when you are trying to have a conversation with someone who is living full time in Bizarro World.

The issue, of course, is the controlling, isolating, manipulative generally nasty guy that she has allowed to live in and totally take over everything she own.
This is the charmer who is isolating her from her friends and family.
Driving her other (and much newer car). Spending her money.
Controlling her life.
He brings less-than-reputable seedy characters ("the guys") to her house in a very expensive, upscale neighborhood so they can take showers and get their laundry done (which she does).
She has no control over who he brings over and has no idea who they are or what they are doing.
But I guess that's the way it is in Bizarro World.

.
She has to sneak around him because if she wants to do something, he goes ballistic.
Even though it is her money or her car or her house or whatever.
But I guess that's the way it is in Bizarro World.

Trying to have a reasonable, rational conversation with her (if you don't happen to be living in Bizarro World) is frustrating at best and virtually impossible at worst.

I am supposed to have lunch with her again tomorrow.
I will TRY not to go ballistic.
I will just keep repeating "Bizarro World".

I am talking to someone who is living in Bizarro World.

Bizarro World
It is Bizarro World.
Bizarro World.

Black is white.
Yes is No
Up is down.
Nothing is as it seems.

HUBBY WAS RIGHT (now what part of Bizarro World is that??)

The Four Things

The Four Things I Want To Buy This Month:

1) Small Coleman cook stove (PX) $34.95
2) Small bright Coleman lantern (Dick's Sporting Goods) $24.95
3) 10x12 Ground tarp (PX) $12.95
4) Small Pick axe (Home Depot) $23.95


I am going to go rockhounding at a working mine. And I am going on at least one camping trip,

Trimming the Parrot's Toenails

Well, it wasn't an easy task but I finally found the opportunity and was finally able to trim Tito's toenails.

He is pretty good about it, once he gets the idea that that's all I want to do. But if for some reason, he decides he doesn't want it done, you might as well forget it. With a razor sharp beak like that you do NOT want to mess with him.

But we were sitting quietly watching TV and I had the nail clipper in my hand and I just matter-of-factly reached over and picked up his foot. He let me clip his nails. Yay!

I've been wanting to do that for ages. I just needed the perfect moment.

Today was okay.

We went to lunch and to the range.

Hubby had to drop his truck off at the mechanic's on the way in. He took it in last week for a $30 oil change and the mechanic (who we trust) discovered a $500 repair that needed to be done. Yippee.

So we dropped the truck off and headed into town for lunch.

Lunch was okay...not as good as usual or maybe I just wasn't that hungry.

We had Bento boxes at a little Japanese place.

They are usually yummy but I think I was feeling very cranky.

When we got to the range, one of our friends who I usually like a lot just annoyed the crap out of me. I was actually getting a little angry with him. He was just bugging me and I wasn't in the mood. I get very tired of guys and their clever remarks ( I KNOW it's a guy thing because hubby does it all the time). They think they are being cute. I just think they are being annoying and it wasn't making me happy.

I shot my gun a little and listened to our state trooper friend tell us a couple of stories and then we just came on home. We didn't stop to wander around or buy stuff or anything. We picked Cookie up from day care, stopped back at the mechanic (hubby needed to talk to him) and then we came home.

It was an okay day but I think I just wasn't feeling it today.

I was going to call CrazyFriend and ask her to go to lunch tomorrow, but frankly, I just can't bring myself to do that right now. I like having friends and I like having company.......sometimes.

But as I discovered this weekend, I am quite happy doing things on my own. I took a 200 mile road trip on Saturday and thoroughly enjoyed myself. And Sunday, I took a long walk in the park by myself and I was fine and happy. Sometimes dragging people (especially annoying people ) along can just be a pain.

That's it. We had dinner ( hubby had the last of his 3 day roast_ I had a cheese omelet with grits and I am done for the evening. I guess I just not feeling 100% today. Cranky, irritable, I don't know. But we are here and it is getting towards evening. At least I am not ready to go to bed at 7:00 like I did the last 3 nights.

Oh well.......Maybe tomorrow will be better.

As long as I don't break down and call CrazyFriend.

I don't think I'm up to that.

Hey, I look pretty good...

Well, I was quite surprised yesterday.
CrazyFriend brought over the pictures that she took on our recent trip to Florida.
(Yes the trip where Suzie and I nearly killed her because she was being such a total pain...)
But the pictures were very nice and I was pleased because I actually look pretty darn good.
I HATE having my picture taken but I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised.
I guess my signature butch lesbian duck hunter look works for me.
I didn't look fat.
My jeans fit.
And my Missy Good hat looks great.
Now I really like the hat.
And I am very happy with the way I look in the pictures.
Dang.

I don't have to talk to that bitch....

Okay.......
It looks like CrazyFriend's "relationship" with her "boyfriend" (insert: con man, freeloader, sleazebag creep and generally scary guy) has taken a bit of a dark turn.
We've always known that he is greedy, exploitive and manipulative. The only reason that he has anything to do with her is because she is providing him with a very nice place to live in one of the most expensive subdivisions in town, a very nice car and money whenever he needs it. He is no longer even bothering with the facade of going out to eat with her or going to church with her. He comes and goes, brings strangers to the house and is just doing whatever he damn well pleases.
And he is becoming evem more manipulative and controlling.

Last week when we went to Florida, he told her "I don't understand why you want to hang around with that butch lesbian.." That would be me. (Hey, I didn't think I was that butch. Damn.) And he turns everything around to make it someone else's fault. It's never anything he does that's wrong.

And this week was even MORE interesting.

.
On Saturday, I told CrazyFriend I just needed a break from her and her constant discussion of her "boyfriend and 'the guys' " (Don't ask. It gets entirely too complicated. I was exhausted and I just couldn't take it anymore. She got VERY upset with me and slammed the phone down. wouldn't talk to me. Okay....No biggie. That's all happened before. She'd get over it.

But I did e-mail another mutual friend and told her what happened. I explained everything and asked her to give CrazyFriend a call just to talk to her and try and get her to talk me.

So the mutual friend did call her. This morning at her house.
Well......The "boyfriend" (you know what to insert here.) answered the phone.
When he heard our friend's voise asking for CrazyFriend....he said nothing and HUNG UP THE PHONE>
When she called back, he would not answer.
Eventually, we got a hold of CrazyFriend and she was her usual bubbly self (Insert DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt).
And here is what she told me he said when she asked him WHY he hung up the phone.
He told her "I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO THAT BITCH....."

Now, I am sorry but if that isn't abusive, isolating, manipulative, and controlling I don't know what is. AND SHE CONTINUES TO TAKE IT.

So I am now the butch lesbian.
And our mutual friend is the nosy bitch.
It is getting honestly scary.
I don't think CrazyFriend will EVER get out of this mess unscathed.

A Little Benign Neglect Goes A Long Way..

Amazingly enough, a little benign neglect goes a long way.

What a surprise.

I went to my doctor for my annual physical yesterday.

Did I mention I HATE going to the doctor?

I don't like to go. I don't want a bunch of referrals I don't want to open a can of worms but I had questions about a few issues.

I would prefer to ignore something and not do anything.

I just want him to know about stuff so if something bad happens, he can't say "You never mentioned that..."

But I went for my annual physical yesterday.

I'd been dreading it for weeks because I just can't talk to my doctor.

He's very nice but he always seems so busy.

So....I had a bunch of questions and concerns.

I wrote them down and was very patient.

I explained to my doctor that it was difficult to ask him questions while i was sitting there naked in nothing but a flimsy paper gown.

He was very kind.

He was very patient.

He took a long time and listened to all my questions and concerns.

He gave me stuff that I wanted and didn't push me into doing stuff I didn't want.

But here is the interesting part.

For someone who does not want to go to the doctor unless I am dying or mortally injured, I am remarkably healthy.

My labs were great.

My EKG was excellent.

My weight was okay.

Everything was on the up side of very good.

I was pleased and I am glad I don't have to go back for another year.

And I am a FIRM believer in the concept of benign neglect.

It works.

Hit a Pothole and the Radio Comes On!

Well, I went to the university last night for a meeting of the Columbia Gem and Mineral Society. Fortunately, my membership was still good. It expires at the end of this month.
They had a woman speaking about meteorites and I thought it would be interesting.
I enjoy that new show "Meteorite Men" and this seemed like a good opportunity to learn something about "Rocks From Space".
The talk was interesting enough.
She is the president of the Georgia Meteorite Association (I didn't even know there was a Georgia Meteorite Association). And she seemed pleasant, funny and knowledgeable. She is apparently a collector rather than a hunter and she said she had purchased most of the 200 meteorites in her collection.
She did pass around a real kind of generic meteorite for us to look at and feel.
That was the best part of the whole evening.
I finally got to feel one and see what one actually looks like.
That made the whole trip worth it.
The business part of the meeting was totally boring/
I had no interest in any of that and it took forever.
And I didn't even win one of their stupid door prizes that they give you for sitting through the business part of the meeting.
But all in all I am glad I went.
Right now, I do not plan on renewing my membership.
It's interesting but it's one of those subcultures that it is hard to become a part of.

AND on the way home, I was getting increasing frustrated with my car stereo.
It has a short in it and kind of goes on and off on its own.
Well, yesterday it was in one of its dead modes and I could not get it to come back around.
It was dark when I was driving home, and I hit a BIG pothole.
Rattled the crap out of the car but guess what?
The stereo came back on!
Usually it takes a little bump.
But this was a biggie and now I have music again.

Meteorites AND music.
Who could ask for anything ,ore?

Five Days in Hell or......

Spending a week in Florida with CrazyFriend

Oh boy......what a week. I went to Florida last week to visit my Golf Buddy. Cousin Suzie and CrazyFriend came along and to say the least, it was in interesting week, in very much of a Harriet Peterson sort of way.

Now, I was ready to have a good time because my Golf Buddy finally got some good news, in the wake of many disappointments and I just really enjoy going to Florida. I really like Florida. And Cousin Suzie just wanted a fun relaxing trip, away from everything for a few days. Not an unreasonable expectation on a trip to Florida, right? Right.

Well, CrazyFriend was at the top of her craziness and her malignant passive-aggressiveness. She made all of us miserable, including herself. There were some pretty awful moments. What a fiasco.

It started out okay but CrazyFriend was edgy from the very beginning. She had to board her cats for the week we were going to be gone. She didn't want to "inconvenience" her "boyfriend" (insert: con man, freeloader, sleazy, scary guy) so he would not have to worry about looking after her cats. So she was worried about her cats.

We left here at 6:00 in the morning on Monday in Cousin Suzie's big truck. The weather looked goo and we were on our way. I like Cousin Suzie a lot. She is fun, smart, talented sensible, she's a good driver and she knows how to relax and have fun. She is everything CrazyFriend is not.

We had the week pretty well planned out. We figured we'd stop at the same Cracker Barrels that we'd stopped at on our last trip (they are timed just right along the way) and I had our itinerary planned for once we got to Florida. CrazyFriend wanted to climb the Ponce Inlet light house this time and she also wanted to visit the Marine Science Center where the rehabilitate sea turtles, sea birds and raptors. This is not something I would have done myself, but we went out of our way to accomodate what CrazyFriend wanted to do so she would enjoy herself. No problem.

Well, let's just say that Crazyfrined was at the top of her game. I won't say that she completely ruined the trip but she sure made for some utterly miserable moments and some fights that should only take place if you are traveling with a cranky 7 year old. She just gets obnoxious and she gets into everyone's face as if we are retarded little children (telling two grown women that we HAVE to eat dinner even when we say "We dont want to eat dinner) and not allowing us our privacy and a few quiet moments alone if we need it. Let me put it simply: SHE IS ANNOYING AS HELL AND YOU JUST WANT TO SLAP HER>>

It was not totally a bust but it could have been a lot more fun if she hadn't gotten into her passive-aggressive mode that she does so well. My Golf Buddy never knew that anything was going on because when CrazyFriend chooses to, she can be a sweet and "normal" as can be. But we were all seething underneath.

And poor Cousin Suzie was miserable because she had to share a hotel room with CrazyFriend. That alone is enough to make you want to kill yourself. At least I had my own room and I could have some peace and quiet. Thank goodness for that small favor.

After Daytona, we drove up to Saint Augustine. That was when the REAL fiasco started, The weather sucked. It rained and turned colder. But Suzie and I wanted to make the best of it. CraztFriend wanted to skip Saint Augustine and just drive on back (400 miles and SHE was not doing any of the driving). I said NO...we already and the hotel reservations and it was NOT fair to ask Cousin Suzie to drive 300+ miles in a driving rainstorm just because CrazyFriend wanted to go home.

So, in a feeble effort to make the best of it, we stayed in Saint Augustine, in the pouring rain. We had lunch at a seafood place and Suzie had a couple of beers and we decided to go to the Ripleys' Believe It Or Not Museum which was just down the block. The place was amazing, But in her own fashion CrazyFriend ruined the experience. She wouldn't stay with us, she had to take off and look at everything on her own. We just gave up and lost track of her. And Suzie was getting sick to her stomach fro the beer and the heavy lunch. At the end of the two hour museum tour, all she wanted to do was go back to the hotel and lie down for a couple of hours. Now, I can understand that, no problem because if I get a migraine, all I want to do is lie down for a while and I'll be fine.

Well, after the 40 minutes it took us to finally find Crazyfriend, (she wanted to stay and take pictures) Suzie was at the end of her rope. She was white as a sheet and all she wanted to do was go back to the hotel. Which we did. I had to wrangle CrazyFriend and keep her from bothering Suzie. That in itself was exhausting. But I did the best I could.

Suzie recovered from her upset stomach (that's all it was)...CrazyFriend wanted me to start looking for an emergency room and we had a relatively quiet evening.

The next morning, we left Saint Augustine with much better weather and Suzie feeling better after a good night's sleep.

Note to self: The next trip to Florida will NOT include CrazyFriend.

I will go with Cousin Suzie, no problem but CrazyFriend is staying home.

The details of how miserable she made us are just too numerous to list but I will admit, she outdid herself.

What was supposed to be a fun trip to Florida turned out to be a week in HELL and guess what?

It ain't over yet.

I am having lunch with Crazyfriend in about an hour.

It never seems to end.

Why don't we care about Chile?

I don't understand why no one seems to care about Chile.
They had one of the strongest earthquakes ever (8.8!!!)
There was major devastation and destruction.
There was looting and a period of chaos.
But it doesn't seem that anyone cares about Chile.
No one is singing "We Are The World".
There are no massive airlifts.
No troops, no hospital ships.
There's no Anderson Cooper rescuing children from unruly street gangs.
There's no Sanjay Gupta doing brain surgery on televisi0n.
There are no celebrities having telethons.
No one is saying "Just Text CHILE and you can make a $10 donation"
What is wrong with Chile?
Doesn't any one care or are we only allowed one major catastrophic earthquake a year?
What's the deal?
Who cares about Chile?

Finally, some GOOD news!

Well, I am soooo happy for my Golf Buddy in Florida. She called me last night, all excited and happy. After nearly 18 months of being on a waiting list, she had FINALLY gotten her senior's low income apartment in Daytona Beach. Wooo hooo. I am so glad she finally got it. As you can imagine, waiting for a low income, senior citizens' apartment in FLORIDA involves a VERY long wait. It's one of those places where someone has to die or be transferred to a nursing home before you move up on the waiting list.

We are going to visit her for a couple of days next week. I wasn't quite sure of what we were going to do because she's been so down lately. But now we actially have something to celebrate.

I told her a long time ago that when she finally got her apartment that we'd have a party. Well, our timing could not have been better, We can go down there for a couple of days and really have a good time. Yay. I am glad for her. I hope everything works out. She is so sweet and deserves a break after all the bad luck she's had.

Cowboy boots and western shirts.

I went to Rock Hill yesterday with CrazyFriend so we could meet with Cousin Suzie and firm up the plans for our Florida trip next week. We had a very nice lunch at Olive Garden. We usually eat at Cracker Barrel but since we are going to be eating there all next week, we decided to do something different. It was a very nice lunch. The soup was okay (a little thin I thought for a "cream" soup) but tasty nonetheless and the salad was well....salad.

We really didn't accomplish much of anything about our trip. Crazyfriend was in her usual form talking about her boyfriend (inser: manipulative freeloading con man) and the other homeless and unemplyed "guys" who seem to be suddenly appearing at her house. And the fact that she is doing their laundry and cooking meals for them....(sorry I digress.) We did not make any firm decisions about the trip. I wanted to have some structure but CrazyFriend was not helping. So I guess we'll just be winging it to Daytona Beach. Oh well. If we're lucky, CrazyFriend will wind up paying for 60% of the trip and happy to do it.

But after lunch, I did get to go to theTractor Supply Store. What a NEAT place. I could have spent all day and all my money there. They had everything you could imagine. I had been trying to find a western shirt and some cowboy boots. They had plenty. I found a pair of boots that I fell in love with but unfortunately, I could NOT get them on over my right ankle. So I didn't get them. But I WANTED them soooooooo bad. I did find a western shirt (on sale for $5) and I LOVE it. I cannot wait to go back to that place.

Today is messy, messy, messy. I would actually be just as happy to stay home, but we've already made plans to meet a frined for lunch and hubby wants to go to the range. I am going to shoot too. I always feel I should shoot at least a couple of times a month and this is a good a time as any. We are going to have lunch at the Japanese place. I like their Bento boxes. Yum.

That is about it....Tito and I are engaged in the great food dish wars. But that is a whole other entry. He started unscrewing his food dish about a week ago and throwing it on the floor. I got him a different dish a couple of days ago just to distract him. And now he is so pissed at me, it's not even funny. Having a parrot pissed at you is NOT fun.

Oh well...we'll work it out.

Off to have Japanese lunch and to shoot at small pieces of paper.

Could we have just the simple answer please?

Okay...here's the deal.
My husband is brilliant. Now if you ever told him I said this, I'd have to kill you.
But it is true.
The problem is, he cannot give you a simple answer to anything.
Example:
Me: Oh, by the way, dear....Who was is that killed Lincoln?
Hubby: John Wilkes Booth.
Me: Okay.
Hubby: Did you know that John Wilkes Booth had brown hair and always wore white shirts. He had a younger brother who he never got along with and his parents were farmers.
Me: That's nice.
Hubby: And that after he shot Lincoln he had to walk through 6 miles of heavily wooded stands of pine trees and then across nearly 2 miles of open pasture land.
Me: Oh, really.
Hubby: And when he finally came across Dr. Mudd's farmhouse, it was nearly two in the morning and he had lost almost two pints of blood. He was disoriented and nearly fainted on the doorstep.
Me: Okay.
Hubby: And Dr. Mudd who initially greeted him, was reluctant to treat him be he felt compelled by his Hippocratic oath to take in the wounded stranger.
Me: (eyes glazing over) Uh huh.
Hubby: And that Booth did not actually die of the gunshot wound but from the infection that set in nearly two days later.

It continues this way. You get it.

Now here is my concern.

A good friend of ours has finally decided that he is going to buy his first computer.
He was excited.
He called the other day and told us he was going to buy a laptop and he asked hubby for help.
Not so much in buying the computer but getting set up and getting on the internet and learning his way around.
Which is fine.

BUT:

Here is my concern.
Hubby cannot give you a simple answer to anything.
Even if he does not know all the details, he will find some way to elaborate and make it more complicated than it has to be.
And as smart as he is, he is NOT a computer genius.

I heard him talking to our friend on the phone the other day.
He was giving him elaborate, complicated advice about Internet Explorer and HotMail and G-Mail and trojan horses and viruses and firewalls and spyware and bots and screen size and different fonts and navigating the internet by using Wi-fi sites.

And I could just see our friend's eyes beginning to glaze over.

My advice to him would have been:

Go to Best Buy.
Pick out a laptop that is in your price range that you like.
Choose a service provider, preferably DSL.
Ask the nice people at Best Buy to set up AOL for you and take you computer home with you, ready to go. Install McAfee.
Log on to AOL.
Start surfing around. Bring your computer to our house if you want.
Have fun. Ask questions and learn as you go.
Get help if you need it.


COULD WE PLEASE JUST STICK TO THE SIMPLE ANSWER????????

Why can't I just talk to my doctor?

I am a very unhappy camper tonight.

Now, I will be the first to admit. I hate going to the doctor.

I will avoid it at all costs and do everything I can to not go.

I don't have anything against doctors personally.

I know they are generally sincere, very hardworking and dedicated.

They do the best they can.

And if you have an emergency with something they can actually FIX like my broken ankle last summer, they are certainly nice to have around.

But my question is this:

Why can't I just talk to my doctor?

Have you ever seen the Viagra commercials where the guy is sitting at a desk in a nice big office, relaxed and fully dressed, discussing his need for Viagra?

And they stand up and shake hands and all his questions are answered.

They are both smiling.

He's happy.

The doctor is happy.

Everyone is happy.

I am not happy.

Now I have lots of issues and questions and concerns lately

That I've had for a while and I thought I was ready to discuss them with my doctor.

That I would like to be able to sit down in a nice big office with my doctor, relaxed at his desk.

I'd like to be fully dressed and not embarrassed, without nurses and PA's waltzing around.

just want to talk and ask questions about the things that are bothering me.

But I went to my doctor's office this morning.

To get some lab work done.

And it is so painfully obvious that something like that is NEVER going to happen.

The place was a zoo.

There were patients everywhere.

The lab was backed up.

I saw my doctor and he was literally scampering (he couldn't actually break into a run) down the hall to see his next patient out of......maybe 6 or 8 he had to see.

And he didn't know who he was going to see until he grabbed the chart out of the rack on the door.

He said hello to me.

He even answered a question that I had (and I did an end run around the nurse to ask him).

But he was frantically busy.

He could barely take a breath.

And I want to him to take the time to "talk" with me.

Ha. Who am I kidding?

My annual physical is in a couple of weeks.

And I don't even want to go.

Because here is how it will go:

Nurse:Follow me to the exam room.

Nurse: Take off all your clothes.

Nurse: Get your height weight and vital signs.

Me: Sit there uncomfortably in this little grey room wearing a crumpled paper gown for oh, say......15 or 20 minutes.

Doctor comes in.

Him: How are you? Me: Fine

Him: Everything okay? Me: Yeah

Him: Any changes? Me: No

Him: Your medicine okay? Me: Yeah

Him: Is there anything you need? Me: Not really.

Him: Okay, lie down, let me have a look.

Him: Okay see you next year.

No nice big desk.

No clean comfortable office.

No relaxed atmosphere.

No reassuring talk.

Just a rushed 30 minute visit with quick answers, tests that I don't want or need and a vaguely dissatisfied, uncomfortable feeling after I leave.

I don't want to go.

I guess the only doctor you actually get to "talk" to is a psychiatrist.

OH NO Not another dead cat!!

Well, sadly, yet another kitty cat has died.

She was our little calico cat.

She was pretty old and sickly and recently she quit eating so I knew she wouldn't be around very long.

But she had a long life and it was just her time.

When we got back from the RV show late yesterday, she didn't come up on the deck for dinner.

She'd been MIA for a while and I knew that was it.

Hubby found her under the deck and she was very, very dead.

We had a quick little funeral for her.

She was a sweet, gentle kitty.

And of course.....I had to call CrazyFriend (the crazy cat lady) and deliver the sad news.

She was very upset and wanted to take the dead cat to Clemson University for an "autopsy".

I knew that was coming (which is why we buried the cat and THEN told her.

I didn't want her coming out here, wrapping the cat up in tinfoil and then driving around with it until she could find some unsuspecting vet to do and "autopsy" so she could know why the cat died.

I just wasn't in the mood for that.

Dead is dead.

Hasn't she ever heard of "Rest In Peace"???????

SO sad.

RIP Little Calico Kitty.

Snow is like an ugly woman....

Snow is like that last-ditch desperation date that you pick up at a bar when you're really, really drunk and it's getting close to closing time.

It gets prettier and prettier as the evening goes on.

It doesn't seem all that bad for a little while.

It's actually beautiful for about 15 minutes.

Then you realize what a mess it's making of your life.

And when you want it to go away, it always stays around just a little too long.

Snow Cliches: Been There Done That

Well, we had 5 inches of snow last night. That's right.....5 inches.

It started at about 6:00 last night, right after dinner and it snowed all night.

It was actually very pretty. Big, fluffy white flakes.

Every my grumpy husband thought it was pretty and wanted to walk outside in it for a little while. That was most unlike him.

And this morning, it was GORGEOUS.

It was piled up on the trees and it was clean and white and pristine.

I wasn't sure of what our little dog was going to think of it.

She is usually pretty cold natured and the snow was literally up to her chest.

But she was a very good sport.

The first few times, we took her out under one of the sheds to pee but she didn't seem to care.

She wanted to go out and PLAY.

So I let her.

I took her sweater off her and let her go.

She bounced and ran and had a wonderful time.

I was very surprised.

I thought sure she was going to make a beeline for the door but she bounced through the snow all the way to the road.

And she decided she was going to dig and burrow as well.

It was funny.

But now, she is all curled up under her blankets, sound asleep.

CrazyFriend wanted to come over "to take snow pictures" but I strongly discouraged her from driving if it wasn't necessary.

She had plenty of snow at her house she could take pictures of.

I fed the birds lots of extra bird seed and peanut butter.

They seemed quite grateful for the extra rations.

Even the great big crows were up here looking for a snack.

I threw out some extra cracked corn for them.

I bought 50 lbs of it so there was plenty to go around.

It's too cold for anyone to go hungry.

Right now, I am starting to get into the "I'm so bored I could die.." mode.

I'm okay staying home and being idle for about.......4 or 5 hours tops and then I start to lose it.

I have been outside a couple of times trying to find things to do.

I tried shoveling some of the snow off the deck.

I swept the snow off the porch.

I cooked chicken for Cookie and the cats.

I did some laundry.

I made lunch (grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup)

After a while, I run out of things to do and I need to get out of here.

That's it for me.

The snow is pretty.

For a little while.

Right now.....the prettiness is wearing off.

I don't know if I will be able to get out tomorrow.

I certainly HOPE so.

THAT'S IT!

I've had it.

I've said and done all the snow cliches.

ENOUGH SNOW.

2012

2012

Y'know, I've been thinking.

The world is supposed to end in 2012.

And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea.

I think about 2 more years is all I want of this.

I've thought about that for a long time.

Two more years is plenty.

I've had enough.

2012. It works for me.

I keep thinking over and over again that I'm gonna die when I'm 62, one way or another.

So why not take the entire world with me?

What difference would it make?

Screw the world.

It's a good timeline.

I'm fine with it.

I for one, am kinda hoping it actually happens that way.

Yeah.

I'd be ready.

Bring it on, 2012

'

Can't you please just let it go?

Well, Crazyfriend is doing it to me again.

Here's the deal:
Crazyfriend cannot and will not let anything go. Ever. She clings to the past and wants everything to be the "way it was". And it's worse when something dies.

Her parents passed away several years ago. It was very traumatic for her and she is still feeling tremendous guilt. She never felt like she did enough to take care of them (even though she spent an entire 5 years of her life doing NOTHING but looking after them.) She wanted AUTOPSIES done on them (They were in their late 80's and the doctors just looked at her like she had just landed from Mars). She spent years in counseling which did no good whatsoever. She simply will not move forward with her life. She still keeps their ashes in the living room, which she has turned into a shrine with pictures and flowers and the fancy urns. (It's kinda creepy actually.)

She went through a very bad divorce about 5 years ago after 5 years of a miserably unhappy and unfortunate marriage. (She was just as much to blame as he was but that was never discussed). She still feels guilty and feels like it was her fault that she didn't do enough to hold it together. She would still like to talk to me about it but I won't go there.

She still talks about her BFF from high school (42 years ago) who committed suicide as if she is still there and wonders what she could have done differently.

And it gets worse when an animal dies.

That's where this story starts.

Whenevr an animal dies, Crazyfriend wants to have an "autopsy". She wants to know why it died. So she can help other people who have animals with the same problem/ She wants to write a book about it. She wants to write a pamphlet and send it to vets so they will now about the problem. (She never actually DOES any of these things but this is what she says she wants to do. ) She once kept a dead cat wrapped in foil in her freezer for almost a week before she could find a vet who would do a necropsy on a dead cat.

She picks up dead animals in the road and will carry them home in the trunk of her car to bury them because she feels it is undignifed and dispectful to be squashed roadkill. She has her little roadkill kit that she keeps in the trunk...a shovel, gloves, plastic bags. And she keeps the number of the Highway Depatment on speed dial on her cell phone if she sees an animal that is too big for her to pick up. She stops at the grocery store and looks at the "Lost Pet" bulletins and then if she sees a dead dog or cat in the road she stops and checks to see if it matches the desrciption of any lost animal she knows about.

So what is going on now?

Well, about 3 months ago one of our little kitty cats died. She had been sick for a long time so it was not unexpected and frankly, she went very peacefully. It was a cold rainy night, she was curled up in her box and she just went to sleep. End of story, right. Sad, the kitty died. Bye bye kitty. Hope you're happy in Kitty Heaven.

No such deal. Hubby and I went out in the morning and buried the kitty cat, the same as we would any of our pets. That's it. We had the $2.49 funeral (That's the top of the line around here...you get a sheet wrapped around you and you get a nice little grave marker.). We have buried countless animals in just the same way and then it's over. It's done. Right> Wrong.

Crazyfriend was infuriated that I didn't call her when the cat died. It was 11:00 on a cold and rainy night for Pete's sake...what was she going to do? Rush out here?

AND she was totally undone when we told her we'd buried that cat. She wanted to take the cat to the Clemson University Agricultural Research Lab to try and get the vets there to do a necropy. And I mean she was UPSET...not just a little. She was totally upset.

NOW....she is convinced that I am creating my own little shrine to the dead kitty cat.

I promise you, I am not. But to Crazyfriend it apparently looks that way. And she just will not let it go. This is a dead CAT we are talking about. And she comes out with new flowers every couple of weeks. She planted a TREE in the cat's memory. She wants to plant flowers in the spring. It's a CAT....it's not her granny.

I don't know. I will never convince CrazyFriend that this is NOT a little shrine to the memory of the dead cat. And she will simply not let go and move on. Even her therapist said that. She clings to the past, wallowingin guilt and sense of loss.

I know it doesn't hurt anything to put flowers out.

But it is a dead CAT that she won't let go of . Or anything else.

She needs a new and better therapist.

The pathology of this whole way of thinking seems overwhelming to me.

I want to move on with my life, not spend every minute wondering what I could have done differently to change how the past played out.

When the house tells you to get out.......

It was raining yesterday.

No, not just raining.

It was pouring.

It was an all day, wipe out torrential downpour.

It was windy, cold and miserable.

But I could not stay inside.

This house is a dark, toxic cave.

And I realized yesterday that the less time I spend here, the better I feel.

(I frequently wonder if it has anything to do with the days that I wake up with a migraine.)

It was a miserable day.

And I was doing anything I could to stay outside.

And not just because I was bored (which I frequently am).

It was because this house is dark and dusty and cluttered and toxic.

There is no natural light.

I just needed to be outside.

I needed fresh air.

I needed daylight.

Now, I have been wanting to move.

I have been wanting to move to Florida.

And yesterday was a clincher.

There is nothing wrong with this house.

(Other than it being 30 years old and a dark, toxic cave).

It's paid for.

It's solid.

It's well built.

It's not haunted.

It's a good enough house.

But we just don't need all this anymore.

I guess it's true.

When the house tells you to get out, you should get out.

I am so sick of feeling crappy....

I am so sick of having these crappy feeling days.

I had a bit of a migraine last night.

I was entirely too warm in bed.

I felt awful

I took am Imitrex at 6:00 this morning.

And I've felt awful all day.

I didn't enjoy much lunch.

I didn't want to shop.

I am not technically "sick".

It's not a cold.

It's not the flu.

It's not an upset stomach.

I had that last week and I know the difference.

It's just this general awful yukky feeling.

I just feel crappy and that is the only way to explain it.

And I am sick of these days that I just feel crappy.

Why can't we just be HONEST about Haiti?

I was deliberately avoiding talking about Haiti on this blog (this is supposed to be the "happy, fun blog") but I am at the point where I just can't help it. I try to leave the heavy serious subjects off this site but I am at my wits' end.

I just want to know why we can't be honest about our feelings about Haiti?

I don't want to hear about suddenly compassionate celebrities who could not have pointed Haiti out on a map prior to this happening.

I don't want to hear about what a horrible person I am.

I don't want to hold hands and sing Kum-by-ya.

Frankly, I am Haiti'ed out.

I don't want to hear anything else about Haiti.

I didn't care about Haiti before and I really don't care much about Haiti right now.

Y'know who I really feel sorry for?

I feel sorry for the Dominican Republic.

How would YOU like to have Haiti as a conjoined twin?

Do us all a favor.

Call in the damn bulldozers.

Shove Port au Prince into the sea.

The world might just be a better place.

Could you PLEASE stop doing that?

Okay....yesterday was an unusual and pleasant day for me.
Hubby took his friend out to the outdoor shooting range.
He left at 9 o'clock in the morning and he was gone all day.
That meant I got to stay home all day, all by myself.
It was lovely.
Now I did stay in my pajamas but I still did a few things so it wasn't a totally wasted day.
But I got to watch mindless TV, I did what I wanted all day, when I wanted.
I cooked chicken for Cookie and myself.
We had fresh yummy chicken, a ton of veggies and Ramen noodles for lunch.
I did some laundry, changed the beds, cleaned to birds and even went outside and collected a bunch (a whole bunch) of fallen branches to put in the fire pit.
It was a very relaxing day.

Hubby came home after 4:30.
And he got a little upset with me.
I get very tired of something he does unconsciously and it annoys the crap out of me.
He YAWNS.
All the time.
He yawns when you are talking to him, he yawns when you are looking at him.
He yawns in the car, he yawns in the store.
And when he is home he makes all the yawning "sound effects" that are supposed to go with a big yawn,

Now I don't really think he is yawning because he is tired or bored.
And an occasional yawn is perfectly understandable.
BUT: I think he has just gotten into the habit of doing it and he keeps doing it without even realizing what he is doing.

So when he was making his yawning "sound effects" last night I asked him if he would PLEASE try and not do that all the time.
It is bad enough having him yawn in your face or in your ear but when you add the sound effects, it gets downright ridiculous.
He got upset with me.
He'll get over it.
I just wish he would stop the constant yawning.
Or at least tone it down.

***************************************************
That's it.
It is a beautiful day.
We are going to have lunch at Cracker Barrel with our friend Russell.
I know where I want to sit, who I want for our waitress and what I want to eat.
Then, I want to go to all the usual places.
Cookie gets to go to Day Care and she loves that.
I think it'll be a nice day.

Am oddly calm weekend

Well.....last night was a pleasant first in a very long time. I actually slept ALL night without waking up at 1 a.m. or staying up to watch TV until 4 a.m. Wow. What a surprise, Now, Cookie, the famous Dachshund Bed Hog did NOT sleep on the bed with me last night. I do not know if that had anything to do with it but it was certainly nice and most unusual Wow. I hardly know how to act. I wish it would happen more often. Not being able to sleep doesn't really affect me physically and since I don't work, I never "have" to be anywhere at any certain time but it's still nice to sleep all night. Right? Right.

This weekend was not too bad. I did not feel crappy and I actually won a couple of dollars on my lottery tickets. That was fun. Let's see... Saturday. What did I do on Saturday?? Oh another most unusal thing. I stayed home most of the day. We went out on Friday and so we stayed home all day Saturday. It was boring but tolerable. I really don't remember that much about what I did. I can hardly remember what I had for dinner last night, let alone what I did two days ago. That's why I write everything down on my calendar every day.

IS IT ART OR IS IT A "FOUND OBJECT" OR IS IT JUNK>>???

I do remember that there was a small white metal bed headboard tossed out on the side of the road (people toss junk out on our road all the time....) and I made my husband stop and I picked it up. It was clean, intact, solid and it had a very pleasing shape. I brought it home, put two stakes in the dirt and sunk it into the ground out near my Alien Landing platform and the dead cat memorial. It is solid and looks very cute, I think. I am going to plant some pretty plants around it in the spring. I love it. I live the way it looks. Hubby thinks it's junk because it was heading for the dumpster but didn't quite make it there.. I think it is a found object that I turned into a very pretty garden accessory. I guess it's all in how you look at it.

Yesterday?? It was very dreary and drizzling but I went out anyway. Yesterday was interesting and pleasant enough even though I spent the day with CrazyFriend. I just was NOT going to get into our usual argument about her being a doormat for her sleazy creepy freeloading boyfriend. I just wasn't going to go there. I was NOT coming home with a migraine. So.....we went to brunch at a place called The Strudel Cafe. I wasn't our first choice but our first choice was mobbed so we went next door. Although it's not my favorite place, it was actually pretty good. I don't care much for the seating in the place but the food is absolutely delicious. I just wish they had better seating.

Then we did a few pretty boring errands (I bought bird seed and a new toy for the cockatiels) and I bought incense. We then looped back around and I went to the range. I wanted to shoot a little bit. That place was totally mobbed. It was a madhouse. But since I'd gone through all the trouble to bring my guns with and I drove all that way, I was going to shoot. I waited about 20 minuted for a lane. I shot about 50 rounds and then we took off. I like to shoot pretty regularly since I carry a gun every day, it seems like a good idea.

After the range, we went on back to the Goodwill Store (I have been looking for an old camo Army jacket for myself). After I dropped CrazyFriend off, I stopped at Wallyworld, PetSmart and then I came on home.

It was nearly 4:30 when I finally got back.

But I felt good, I did NOT scream at CrazyFriend about how stupid she in being and I had a pleasant day. I hate the crowds but it was Sunday and all the Episcopalians were out. They tend to get a little pushy after church. And there are sooo many of them!They are almost worse than the Baptists! The Catholics aren't so bad. There just aren't that many here in the South.

So it was a pleasant weekend, all in all.

And no crappy feeling days.

I'm keeping track now, y'know.