I am so sick of feeling crappy....

I am so sick of having these crappy feeling days.

I had a bit of a migraine last night.

I was entirely too warm in bed.

I felt awful

I took am Imitrex at 6:00 this morning.

And I've felt awful all day.

I didn't enjoy much lunch.

I didn't want to shop.

I am not technically "sick".

It's not a cold.

It's not the flu.

It's not an upset stomach.

I had that last week and I know the difference.

It's just this general awful yukky feeling.

I just feel crappy and that is the only way to explain it.

And I am sick of these days that I just feel crappy.

Why can't we just be HONEST about Haiti?

I was deliberately avoiding talking about Haiti on this blog (this is supposed to be the "happy, fun blog") but I am at the point where I just can't help it. I try to leave the heavy serious subjects off this site but I am at my wits' end.

I just want to know why we can't be honest about our feelings about Haiti?

I don't want to hear about suddenly compassionate celebrities who could not have pointed Haiti out on a map prior to this happening.

I don't want to hear about what a horrible person I am.

I don't want to hold hands and sing Kum-by-ya.

Frankly, I am Haiti'ed out.

I don't want to hear anything else about Haiti.

I didn't care about Haiti before and I really don't care much about Haiti right now.

Y'know who I really feel sorry for?

I feel sorry for the Dominican Republic.

How would YOU like to have Haiti as a conjoined twin?

Do us all a favor.

Call in the damn bulldozers.

Shove Port au Prince into the sea.

The world might just be a better place.

Could you PLEASE stop doing that?

Okay....yesterday was an unusual and pleasant day for me.
Hubby took his friend out to the outdoor shooting range.
He left at 9 o'clock in the morning and he was gone all day.
That meant I got to stay home all day, all by myself.
It was lovely.
Now I did stay in my pajamas but I still did a few things so it wasn't a totally wasted day.
But I got to watch mindless TV, I did what I wanted all day, when I wanted.
I cooked chicken for Cookie and myself.
We had fresh yummy chicken, a ton of veggies and Ramen noodles for lunch.
I did some laundry, changed the beds, cleaned to birds and even went outside and collected a bunch (a whole bunch) of fallen branches to put in the fire pit.
It was a very relaxing day.

Hubby came home after 4:30.
And he got a little upset with me.
I get very tired of something he does unconsciously and it annoys the crap out of me.
He YAWNS.
All the time.
He yawns when you are talking to him, he yawns when you are looking at him.
He yawns in the car, he yawns in the store.
And when he is home he makes all the yawning "sound effects" that are supposed to go with a big yawn,

Now I don't really think he is yawning because he is tired or bored.
And an occasional yawn is perfectly understandable.
BUT: I think he has just gotten into the habit of doing it and he keeps doing it without even realizing what he is doing.

So when he was making his yawning "sound effects" last night I asked him if he would PLEASE try and not do that all the time.
It is bad enough having him yawn in your face or in your ear but when you add the sound effects, it gets downright ridiculous.
He got upset with me.
He'll get over it.
I just wish he would stop the constant yawning.
Or at least tone it down.

***************************************************
That's it.
It is a beautiful day.
We are going to have lunch at Cracker Barrel with our friend Russell.
I know where I want to sit, who I want for our waitress and what I want to eat.
Then, I want to go to all the usual places.
Cookie gets to go to Day Care and she loves that.
I think it'll be a nice day.

Am oddly calm weekend

Well.....last night was a pleasant first in a very long time. I actually slept ALL night without waking up at 1 a.m. or staying up to watch TV until 4 a.m. Wow. What a surprise, Now, Cookie, the famous Dachshund Bed Hog did NOT sleep on the bed with me last night. I do not know if that had anything to do with it but it was certainly nice and most unusual Wow. I hardly know how to act. I wish it would happen more often. Not being able to sleep doesn't really affect me physically and since I don't work, I never "have" to be anywhere at any certain time but it's still nice to sleep all night. Right? Right.

This weekend was not too bad. I did not feel crappy and I actually won a couple of dollars on my lottery tickets. That was fun. Let's see... Saturday. What did I do on Saturday?? Oh another most unusal thing. I stayed home most of the day. We went out on Friday and so we stayed home all day Saturday. It was boring but tolerable. I really don't remember that much about what I did. I can hardly remember what I had for dinner last night, let alone what I did two days ago. That's why I write everything down on my calendar every day.

IS IT ART OR IS IT A "FOUND OBJECT" OR IS IT JUNK>>???

I do remember that there was a small white metal bed headboard tossed out on the side of the road (people toss junk out on our road all the time....) and I made my husband stop and I picked it up. It was clean, intact, solid and it had a very pleasing shape. I brought it home, put two stakes in the dirt and sunk it into the ground out near my Alien Landing platform and the dead cat memorial. It is solid and looks very cute, I think. I am going to plant some pretty plants around it in the spring. I love it. I live the way it looks. Hubby thinks it's junk because it was heading for the dumpster but didn't quite make it there.. I think it is a found object that I turned into a very pretty garden accessory. I guess it's all in how you look at it.

Yesterday?? It was very dreary and drizzling but I went out anyway. Yesterday was interesting and pleasant enough even though I spent the day with CrazyFriend. I just was NOT going to get into our usual argument about her being a doormat for her sleazy creepy freeloading boyfriend. I just wasn't going to go there. I was NOT coming home with a migraine. So.....we went to brunch at a place called The Strudel Cafe. I wasn't our first choice but our first choice was mobbed so we went next door. Although it's not my favorite place, it was actually pretty good. I don't care much for the seating in the place but the food is absolutely delicious. I just wish they had better seating.

Then we did a few pretty boring errands (I bought bird seed and a new toy for the cockatiels) and I bought incense. We then looped back around and I went to the range. I wanted to shoot a little bit. That place was totally mobbed. It was a madhouse. But since I'd gone through all the trouble to bring my guns with and I drove all that way, I was going to shoot. I waited about 20 minuted for a lane. I shot about 50 rounds and then we took off. I like to shoot pretty regularly since I carry a gun every day, it seems like a good idea.

After the range, we went on back to the Goodwill Store (I have been looking for an old camo Army jacket for myself). After I dropped CrazyFriend off, I stopped at Wallyworld, PetSmart and then I came on home.

It was nearly 4:30 when I finally got back.

But I felt good, I did NOT scream at CrazyFriend about how stupid she in being and I had a pleasant day. I hate the crowds but it was Sunday and all the Episcopalians were out. They tend to get a little pushy after church. And there are sooo many of them!They are almost worse than the Baptists! The Catholics aren't so bad. There just aren't that many here in the South.

So it was a pleasant weekend, all in all.

And no crappy feeling days.

I'm keeping track now, y'know.

Good Days vs. Crappy Days

Okay...Here's the deal.

People say I am sick a lot.

I don't know if I am technically "sick".

I know I have more crappy feeling days than I ought to have.

I wouldn't call it being "sick"

I do have severe migraines and sometimes I just don't feel good but it's not "sick" like a cold or the flu.

The migraines can be debilitating.

I don't know if they are getting worse or more frequent.

They went dismissed, misunderstood, ignored and undiagnosed properly for years.

It was extremely frustrating becuase we now know and accept that migraines are a real neurological condition.

But sometimes, it's just feeling crappy.

Now consider yesterday.

It wasn't "sick".

But it was a horrible, knock-down, screaming, blinding, raging migraine.

(Probably the aftermath of my day with CrazyFriend.)

She has that affect on me.

I treid to fight it.

I couldn't.

It just got worse as the day went on.

It took 2 Imitrex to finally knock it out around 6:00. in the evening.

I was exhausted and I felt horrible.

I don't know if it's a lot or not.

Sometimes it seems like it to me.

So here's what I am going to do:

Considering that it is exactly 3 weeks into the New Year, I am going to start keeping track.

Good days vs. Crappy days.

I have added a "Good vs. Crappy" column to my regular calendar that I use to keep track of my daily activities.

So I will check it after 30 days and 60 days and 90 days and so forth (you get the idea).

I want to see just how many crappy days I am really having.

I know it's more than most people.

I just want to know how many more and what the deal is.

What is being "sick"

Do I have to feel good every day?

Or can I just have a crappy day?

Talk to my doctor?

And say what?

Say Doc, what about all these crappy days I have?

How many Crappy Days am I allowed?

Avoid things that make me feel crappy?

Sometimes, I can, sometimes it come with no warning.

I just wanna know how many "Crappy Days" I have vs. "Good Days".

The only way to find out is to keep track.

CrazyFriend Strikes Again

Well, she did it to me again. I spent the day with CrazyFriend yesterday.

It was a series of fits and starts, ups and down but I wound up spending the day with her.

And of course the day turned out exactly as it always does....pointless, stupid and annoying.(That pretty much describes CrazyFriend actually).

Spending the day with CrazyFriend is never fun.

It is never enjoyable.

It is exhausting.

More than you can imagine.

I almost always wind up with a migraine.

I almost always wind up going to bed at 7:00 and staying there.

And yesterday was no different.

We drove to Rock Hill to have lunch with Cousin Suzie.

Now I like Cousin Suzie.

I like her a lot.

She is CrazyFriend's cousin but she is nothing like CrazyFriend.

She is smart and talented and sensible and funny.

I enjoy seeing Cousin Suzie.

I wanted to talk to her about a trip to Florida in March to visit my old golf buddy.

We (CrazyFriend, Cousin Suzie and I went in October and had a great time.)

And I was planning on going back in March for a couple of days.

If I went by myself, that would be fine. No problem.

If CrazyFriend wanted to go and it would be just the two of us, that would be a problem.

So I was hoping that if I did have to have company, Cousin Suzie would join us.

That's why I went up to Rock Hill.

To ask Cousin Suzie if she wanted to go and discuss the logistics of the trip.

At first, CrazyFriend was supposed to go with me to Rock Hill.

Actually, she was supposed to coordinate the day trip.

But when I asked her about it on Monday when I ran into her at PetSmart, she had totally forgotten about it.

SO.......I said I would call Cousin Suzie and arrange meeting her at the Cracker Barrel.

Then, CrazyFriend calls me that evening to tell me she won't be going because she didn't feel well.

Fine. No problem. Actually, I was kinda relieved.

THEN, Yesterday morning, at 8 o'clock, CrazyFriend calls to tell me she's feeling better and could she go with me.

I said sure. If you can get here in an hour.

No problem. She's here and ready to go in an hour.

Amazing recovery.

Well, we didn't have much to talk about on the hour and a half drive up there because I am sick of hearing about her creepy sleazy "boyfriend". But she did spend the time telling me about the Costa Ricans and the Guatemalans and the illegal Mexican immigrants that they have been working with and how she is trying to help them get settled in their dirty low-income apartment over in a really bad part of town.She's bought groceries for them and was shopping for small appliances and kitchen utensils. At rather expensive places. I suggested that if she HAD to help them that she might consider WalMart or the Goodwill Store. If they have NOTHING as she says then they will appreciate anything she gives them. It's ridiculous and the story is SOOOO complicated I can't even get into it BUT. She is worrying to death about it. It has now become CrazyFriend's mission in life to "help" the Costa Ricans and the Guatemalans and the illegal Mexicans. And of course her "boyfriend is all involved in it some how or another. I am so confused. It's crazy. It's ridiculous. It's CrazyFriend.

So after an hour and a half of LONG less than companionable silences interspersed with stories about the Costa Ricans and the Guatemalans and the illegal Mexicans, we made it to Rock Hill.

We had lunch with Cousin Suzie who said, yes, she'd like to go to Florida. So we made plans for that. We wandered around for a little bit, bought a few small things and then headed back.

Now........on the was home. Well. It's just another complicated story that I just can't do here. Let's just leave it by saying that It was her "boyfriend" and he pulled an interesting and rather cruel stunt on her. She cried almost the whole hour and a half trip back.

I was exhausted.

I went to bed at 6:30.

It is so much fun spending the day with CrazyFriend.

A 17 lb Bed Hog Dog

Now, you wouldn't actually think that a 17 lb dog could take up so much space. I sleep in a HUGE king-size bed. It is huge. And at 4:00 this morning, I was literally SHOVED out of my bed by my little (not-so little, I guess) Dachshund. She is dead weight when she sleeps and she sleeps like a log. She snores and she totally hogs the bed.

When I woke up (at 4 a.m.) I realized that the electric blanket had clicked off and I was teetering on about 6 inches of my 6 foot wide bed. Cookie, my little dog, was wrapped up in the extra throw that I had put on the bed (the one that she WON'T sleep on if I give it to her in her bed....).

She was slammed up against me and I felt like I had a 17 lb sack of wet ready-mix cement in bed with me. I pushed her. I shoved her. I turned her over. I picked her up and moved her. But every single time she returned to her original warm spot, leaving me only about 6 inches of the very edge of the mattress.

I finally just gave up. It was 4 a.m. but I gave up. I got up, had a cup of coffee and watched TV. I am still tired But the immovable object is still in there. I'm kind of afraid to go back. There is nothing quite like being shoved out of bed by a 17 lb Bed Hog Dog.

************************

Did I feel guilty yesterday?

I thought about it but I didn't.

After Haiti overload on CNN and realizing the absurdity of the situation, hubby and I went out.

We took Cookie to Day Care and it cost $10.

$10 that I did NOT text to the Haiti relief fund.

I took her lunch with her which was a scrambled egg with freshly cooked chicken, vegetables and rice.

We went to lunch at the Japanese place that we like.

Another $20 that we did NOT Text to Haiti.

Them we went to the craft store and spent $40 on totally useless trinkets (wind chimes) for the house.

Another $40 that I did NOT text to Haiti.

And I spent $5 on lottery tickets.

Another $5 that I did NOT text to Haiti.

Do I feel guilty?

No.

Did I think about it?

Obviously I did or I would not be writing this.

Is it politically correct?

Clearly not.

Do I care about what's happening in Haiti?

I guess not that much. It is chaos and will get much worse.

I wonder how many people would be honestly willing to admit the same.

***************

Enough about that.

I have to get out and feed everyone.

Hubby is going to the gun show.

I am staying home.

CrazyFriend will be coming over in about 2 hours.

Yippee.

Yum! Nothing better than a dead field mouse!

Okay.....today turned out to be a pretty good day although it started out kinda crappy.

I could NOT sleep last night (nothing unusual for me). I was up almost all night. I finally went to bed at 2 a.m. and woke up at 6:15. Nothing out of the ordinary. It just was a particularly restless night.

Anyway....that being said. Hubby was going to the commissary today to do the grocery shopping (YAY!). I don't mind going but it's nice to get a break from it every other week.

SO......I had no plans to go anywhere. I went out yesterday and got all the junk I wanted so I was staying home today......a rarity for me.

I managed to finish up the remaining pitiful salad that I bought the other day. I was going to throw it out but there was absolutely nothing wrong with it except that it was sad and pitiful. So I ate it. It was fine.....and I had a nice hot steaming bowl of Ramen noodles with a poached egg on top for lunch. Yum.

Then I got this bee in my bonnet to replace Persimmon's (the donkey) door that covers the window on her stall. This was a very old warped, rotten piece of plywood but the hinges were perfectly solid. And it just so happened that I had a piece of plywood on the porch that I only had to cut one inch off of to make it fit. It was a very easy fix. So now Persimmon has a nice new door on the window of her stall. It looks very nice and is a much nicer, tighter seal.

It only took me about 30 minutes. I am very pleased.

I had Cookie, my little dog, outside with me while I was out there. She crawled under our screen porch and found a very dead field mouse. She was SOOOOOOO pleased with herself. She ran around with it before I could catch her and she had it up on the porch begging to bring it in the house. I really didn't think that was a good idea. But she was VERY pleased. Nothing like finding a dead field mouse to make your day..if you're a little dog!

Once I finished with my "project" ( I hate that word......) and I wrestled the field mouse away from Cookie, I came inside and had a lovely quiet day while hubby was out shopping. I watched CNN for a little while but as much as I hate to say it, I am already getting "The Horror in Haiti" overload. Yes, it is a disaster of catastrophic proportions and immeasurable tragedy. BUT that being said...If Haiti had a stable government and a functioning infrastructure, maybe the disaster wouldn't be quite so horrendous. And there's only so much CNN can tell you minute by minute when no one really knows what's going on anyway.

So I eventually turned off CNN. Haiti will go on for days and days and days. I spent my day just chilling out. I didn't even get dressed. It's nice having the house to myself every now and then. I was very tired but I didn't want to lie down. I had a snack and some coffee and it was nice. It isn't even that cold. We've finally gotten a break from the freezing temperatures. I am definitely glad of that.

When hubby got home with the groceries, I took CityGirl's suggestions and make a nice pot of vegetable soup for myself. (Hubby will NOT eat soup.) And it was a great idea. it turned out to be very good. Thanks to CityGirl. An excellent suggestion.

My friend in Florida called to tell me that her 75 year old brother passed away a couple of days ago and she had to go to Ontario for the funeral. She sounded pretty sad, especially since it was so cold that she couldn't actually attend the funeral. She just went up there to be with her family. I am going to go and visit her for a couple of days next month. We'll have fun. Daytona Beach is a neat place and I am looking forward to a road trip down there. Great food, a little shopping, nice beaches. What's not to like? And it'll cheer her up. She's a very sweet person.

That's it. I just came in from outside where I burned a boatload of pine cones up in the fire pit. There are so many of them and I was just tired of looking at them every where. So I had a nice fire and cleaned them all up. It didn't take very long. They burn hot and fast.

So I had a nice day. I HOPE I can sleep tonight. Not likely. Oh well.

I got a lot done and Cookie got to run around with a very dead field mouse in her mouth!

It was a very good day!

Tomatoes in January

I tried. I really did.

I was feeling very guilty yesterday because it's the middle of winter, I have gained more weight than I am comfortable with. I have not been active, I been eating entirely too much fast food. And heavy food at home. And I decided to try to have a salad yesterday.

So I went to WallyWorld. I bought two small bags of lettuce. And some salad dressing.

But then I got to the tomatoes.

I have to have tomatoes on a salad. Otherwise it's just lettuce.

And it was sad. There I was, in WalMart, trying to buy tomatoes in January.

I came home and ate my salad. But it just wasn't any good. I didn't enjoy it. I had a nice hot bowl of chicken and dumplings with cheese sauce. I just couldn't get past trying to pick out tomatoes in January.

At Walmart, no less.

How sad is that??

Spending the day with a hyperactive hummingbird

Well, okay.

I was not sure of what I was going to do today. I really wanted to stay home and have a nice quiet day. I didn't want to spend any money and I didn't want to drive all around Timbuktu. Instead, I wound up spending the day with a hyperactive hummingbird. I am exhausted and my back hurts. I WOULD REALLY JUST LIKE TO GO TO BED. And since it is dark and I have had my dinner I actually could do that.

I wish I could say it was a pleasant day but it wasn't. It sucked. I just can't go into details. It's too complicated and I would exhaust myself if I even tried. She won't slow down. She won't take a moment to breathe. She wants to make everything more complicated than it has to be. She wants to fix everyone's life. She is hyper and frantic. She talks a mile a minute. She wears me out. She is constantly going on and on and on and on. She won't let anything go. EVER!

Suffice it to say, I spent the day with CrazyFriend. It wasn't my idea. It was hers. Lucky me. She called me. I did get a 6 pack of beer and a new broom (FOR THE PORCH, NOT ONE TO FLY ON) out of the deal.

But I had to listen to the usual irritating nonsense. It goes far beyond annoying. Annoying can be charming and annoying can be tolerated in the right person. But IRRITATING is just that. And I nearly lost it but fortunately, we pulled into a store just before I went ballistic. I'm glad I didn't lose it. I always hate myself after that happens.

The whole day sucked. It wasn't fun.. It was exhausting. Please, just let me go to bed

I think I am coming down with the crud. Or a migraine. That's all I need. I feel lousy. Yuck.

What to do today??

Well, I wanted to be bored today but I'm not feeling it

.

Yesterday worked out pretty well actually. In fact the last few days have been okay. We went out for Hubby's birthday on Thursday. It was pleasant enough. I tool him to lunch at Miyo's, an upscale Asian place near us. And I bought him three little things. I got him a book, a long sleeved T-shirt and a pair of house slippers. All things he will enjoy and use.

CrazyFriend came over yesterday. She was a bit edgy (she has been that way al ot lately) but she enjoys coming over and visiting the animals and cleaning the house. (I don't ASK her to do it. She loves to clean.) It seems to be relaxing and soothing for her so who am I to complain? We just went and had a quick lunch at Cracker Barrel and then we went to Wally World. I got some Benadryl to try for Cookie's itching. I hope it will help her, she is so uncomfortable. Poor girl.

Today?? I am feeling very ambivalent. I am not in that horrible bored mode. I feel pretty good actually. And if someone called me to go out I would. CrazyFriend wanted to go to Rock Hill today but I declined that little road trip, thank you very much. I would like to stay home. It is very cold and I am trying to not spend too much $$$ this month. I want to go to Florida in a few weeks and I am trying to not max out my credit card this month. So I may just stay home. I can find something to do.

The written journal? I said I would try it for a year. It ain't working out so well. I think may writing is not as cathartic for me as it is for others. Don't get me wrong, I like to write, I just don't feel driven to write. It's like painting. I like painting when I have something to paint. But I don't seem to need to do it every day. I may be giving up on this year long "project" (God I HATE that word.).

Okay...one more cup of coffee then it's outside in the cold to feed everyone.

And to decide what I'm doing today.

Baby, it's cold outside...

Yeah, boy....I suspect this is exactly how my little Dachshund must feel.
It is freezing out there. 21 degrees.
But at least it is very sunny and clear so I can't complain about that.
I can complain about the cold though.
Damn it's just too cold.

This weekend was very productive.
I took a bunch of stuff to the Goodwill store, hung a bunch of pictures, cleaned off my computer desk, hubby cleaned off his gun cleaning table, he hauled a truckload of trash to the dump and I burned a bunch of wood outside.
It was stuff that was long overdue and really really needed to be done.

Of course it hardly put a dent in this place but every little bit helps.

CrazyFriend came out on Saturday, we went and had lunch (I don't remember where) and did a bunch of shopping. She's gone 'round the bend. But unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that. Oh well. It was bound to happen eventually. She got herself into this mess and she has to deal with it. She gets upset with me when I won't say things that "help" but guess what..I've given up trying to "help". This is her problem.

That's pretty much the exciting start of our new year.
Hubby's birthday is Thursday and I am still trying to figure out what to do about that.
He doesn't want anything or need anything.
I think I may just take him out to lunch somewhere nice.

Okay....gotta decide what I'm doing today.
And how I am going to stay warm doing it.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 2010

Well.....Happy Damn New Year.

Believe it or not, we actually made it to midnight last night and did not fall asleep at 10 o'clock.

Of course, I went to bed at 12:15 but at least I can say that I stayed awake to see in the new year.

WoooHooo!

And of course this morning was interesting.

I went out to feed the birds and I noticed a geyser spouting from our connection to the city water at the end of our driveway!!

What a mess.

Fortunately, I got hubby up and he handled it.

We actually got our plumber out here within an hour (on New Year's Day) within an hour and he fixed it for only $50.00

Crisis averted!

We went to Cracker Barrel for lunch.

It was MOBBED but we had a good table and our favorite waitress so we were patient.

Lunch was good.

Even Cookie had a ham biscuit for her New Year's lunch.

She enjoyed a nice ride in the car.

That was it.

We came home and we're having a quiet afternoon.

I made chicken and veggies and dumplings (with nice cheesy sauce) for myself for dinner.

Hubby is making pork chops and eggs for himself.

Yesterday was interesting.

But that's a whole other post.

It involved CrazyFriend.

Need I say more?

Okay.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!